The next task was to write a scene/episode from a TV programme. I think he wanted us to write something outside of our comfort zones. Using other people’s characters, creations, voices. I’d originally gone with a French TV programme but realised that as I read the subtitles the dialogue wouldn’t come across as natural as I thought he’d want so I chose the BBC’s Outnumbered. The tutor liked what I submitted, but then admitted that whilst he was familiar with the concept of the programmes premise he wasn’t familiar with the characters so I’m not sure how I actually got on.
Outnumbered
“Bu, but, but if Noah brought only two of each animal onto the ark and they had babies, then those babies would have to have babies with each other.” Karen said into the phone, “but that would make them brother and sister. You can’t have babies with your brother. I saw it on the news. That man went to prison.” She paused to hear a response on the other end of the phone.
“I know they’re animals but they’re still not allowed to do it. And if, if, there were only two dogs then how do we have lots of different dogs?
“No it doesn’t say that he brought two types of each dog. Just two dogs.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Who’s Karen talking to?” Sue asked as she walked into the kitchen.
“Dunno” Pete responded as he turned the page of a workbook he was marking.
“Who’s on the phone?” Sue called over to Karen as she sat next to Pete at the table.
“Matthew”
Sue and Pete gave each other quizzical looks “Who’s Matthew?”
“Who are you again?” Karen asked, “he’s from an insurance company. Wants to talk to you.” Sue shook her head and gave a waving gesture to indicate she didn’t want to talk to him. “No she doesn’t want to talk to you. But what about the dove? If Noah sent out the dove did the other dove not get lonely? Did it already have babies before the other one flew off? No, don’t go, we’ve not talked about the fish yet. What happened to all the fish once the floods went? There must have been loads? Oh, ok, bye then.” Karen hung up the phone. “He was nice, but he didn’t seem to know a lot.” She skipped out the kitchen and headed upstairs.
“Ben’s very quiet” Sue observed as she looked over at him working on the computer. “Is he watching videos of animals trying to kill each other or looking up information on how to make a bomb?
“Ben what are you up to?” she called over.
“Homework.”
Pete lifted his gaze from his “Homework?” he questioned, “since when do you do homework?”
“Since Miss Jenkins started subbing his maths class” Jake piped up from his corner of the room. Ben blushed slightly and pretended he hadn’t heard what was said.
“Oh” responded Pete with a knowing grin.
“Oh? What’s oh?” asked Sue.
“Nothin’, most boys do Miss Jenkins’ homework” Pete responded casually.
“Why’s that?”
“She’s... a good teacher. She... she gets results.”
“She’s fit” Jake called over smirking as he saw his dad squirm in his chair.
“Oh god no, please tell me Ben’s not at that stage already? He’s only in year 8.” She said in a quieter tone so that only Pete could pick on what was said.
“Looks like it” he responded with a mix of pride and fear in his voice.
“You’re going to have to talk to him.”
“No I’m not. He’s not there yet... he’s, he’s just at a point where he’s appreciating the female form and to be honest I can’t blame him.”
“What you mean?”
“Well... Miss Jenkins is kinda...”
“Kinda what?” Sue asked with a hint of tension.
“She’s just one of those teachers school boys can appreciate...”
“She’s mega fit” Jake called across the room “and wears low cut tops.”
“She wears low cut tops?” she quizzed Pete “is she allowed to wear low cut tops?” a hint of anger in her voice.
“Well she adheres to the schools dress code so...”
“Is it just the school boys who appreciate her?”
“I’ve seen dad looking” Jake added seeing where this was going.
Pete shot Jake a look and tried to appease Sue “everyone looks. It’s natural to look... she’s very...”
“Very what?!”
“...easy to look at?” Pete tried.
At this Sue got up and went to leave. “No don’t be like that...! It’s not like you’ve not looked at other people...”
“I’ve not looked at people that are meant to be educating our children!” Sue spat back.
“You’ve looked at me... It’s not like I’m acting on anything. I just appreciate...”
“Appreciate her what exactly?”
“Her way with the pupils?”
“What’s that mean?”
“Well... it has Ben doing his homework...”
She didn’t know what to say to that but he had a point she supposed.
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